It’s about three weeks ago today, didn’t feel like doing anything or going anywhere,so I indulged myself. I decided to rest. Not like I feel like doing anything on other days though but this one was different. I needed my me-time; it was a lie on the couch, press phone, put TV on without watching it kinda day. Just in the middle of this bliss, the ping came in, it was a reminder for a dinner. I had accepted the invite under pressure I must say, why drive across an 11km bridge and disturb my peace just so I can eat? Well, HR will put it differently… we were hosting the Leadership team! Bleh!
Reluctantly I got ready; of course I didn’t plan to be early. In fact if not for the reminder, I couldn’t be bothered but I had promised to keep a friend’s company at the event and as the keeper of my word “that I is” I had to go. Fast track, a few minutes past 7pm I was there and as I walked in into the lobby my friend was already chatting away with folks… Great! Maybe I should just sneak back out, and then I spotted a lady, a cute lady, sitting in the corner, sipping on some margarita, she appeared absent. I starred a bit, our eyes locked and then she looked away… she was beautiful, I couldn’t resist, I walked over. It was then my night started.
Hi, my name is… “I know you”, she cut in. Oh yea… but err, I work in… “Finance, I said I know”. She obviously didn’t want to be disturbed and in my usual can’t afford to be forward self I would have bounced but she had this come-do look with a gentle smile carefully lining her lips. Well, I’m sorry, I said, I don’t know you but eh that’s why we are here. “My name is Sunmisola, and I’d rather not be here”. I figured, that’s exactly why I came over so we can leave together, I really don’t need this food. With a sigh she muted, “if I knew where I’d rather be, then I’ll be happy to leave, but I don’t”. Huh? This was getting interesting! It was at this time we had to move to the dinning section, I led her to our table, there were two other folks on the table but honestly I can’t remember what they look like.
The first course was served and then I asked, “you really don’t look good. What’s the problem?” She gave me the side look, that type that meant you don’t really want to know and then she blanked out… I was confused, a little worried I had upset her and then as if talking to herself, barely moving her lips she began to talk…
I love your cheeks, they are my favorite toy
I love your beards, the roughness soothes me
I love your gentle, it warms my heart
I love your thoughtfulness, it brings me smiles
It’s so much easier loving you, I expend too much energy ensuring I don’t
Avoiding your eyes drains me, I’d rather drown in them
I’m so much happier loving you, that’s all I worry about when I don’t
It’s so much better when we talk, better than reading the hatred off your sealed lips
It so much easier to pray for you, either ways, I'll pray
But hey, I’m exhausted from looking for you
Done searching for your soul like a pin on the sea shore
I’ll move with the tides of Him, of Him who knows what’s best for me
With hopes that we find our end, ends so close yet miles apart…
“Sunmisola, this is Seun”, I cut in. I had to. God forbid that these words were directed at me. She was totally oblivious of her surrounding, she looked pale. Like a woman who’s lost her child she just didn’t know how to enjoy anything, not this food, not the jokes being cracked all around us, not the soft music being played in the background. She was completely lost in her pain. I didn’t know what to say but at least she stopped talking. It was then I realized she was holding my hand, I must have been carried away myself, she held on so tight I was almost in pain. I moved my thumb gently, rubbing the side of her palm as if to make her feel better, she stared into my eyes, but I was sure she wasn’t looking at me. The harder she stared the farther she seemed to have traveled and then she continued…
I wish I can tell you that I love you, but I can’t
I want to tell you that I miss talking to you, but I dare not
I want to tell you that I wish you happiness, but I’ll pray
I can’t because I know, there’s only one end to it. That end is my ruin
God forbid that I tell you what to do
God forbid that I tell you what not to do
You love One Direction so I’ve decided not to get in your way;
Cruise on to Asia, go ahead and have ya cake
But Michael Smith meant Jesus, when he said it’s all about You
I’m not worried that you won’t find another, naaah!
Not a little bothered that you won’t find love, of course you would!
But something worries me, and I must admit I shiver at the thought of it
That when you do find love again (or maybe you already have) you’d know what to do with it
At this point she dropped a tear, picked her things and walked briskly towards the exit. Without thinking, I followed her. Not like I understood all her rantings but by now tears was flowing down her cheeks freely. Her driver was waiting just outside, she rushed in. I looked at him with worry in my eyes, but he appeared used to it, he gave me a look that spelt it all out… “It’s normal for madam to cry, we are praying she’ll get well soon” and as the wheels began to roll she gave me one last glance that assured me, we’ll see again soon.
I walked back into the hall, I had lost my appetite. It was a short encounter, but it left me heartbroken. Only God knows what she’s going through, I pray she comes out better. I’ll give her some time before reaching out I thought to myself, or maybe not… Maybe now is the time, she needs help, and I can be the help she needs, a shoulder to cry on.
At this time, everything about the dinner and event made no sense to me. I picked my car key and headed out as I continued to think... maybe I need help too, maybe mummy’s prayers might finally get an answer, maybe, just maybe, I stepped into the car and with some conviction I said to myself, I didn’t come here for nothing, there has to be more to all this.